Hello self-loathing, my old friend
You’ve come to torture me again
While my self-esteem is leaping,
You show up forceful, inward creeping.
Because the joy, that was dancing in my brain.
You try to claim
You give me hell, defiance!
In restless angst, I’ve been alone
Through the wildness I’ll roam
In the darkness of a tunnel
My spinning mind an endless puzzle.
I’m blinded another passing light
Filled with night
I need a hug, and guidance
And in my mind’s eye I did see
The problem’s almost always me.
Not good enough or worth keeping
Not smart enough, attention seeking.
People doing wrongs – they really never cared.
You’re impaired.
Safety is self reliance.
“Folks” said I, “You do not know
This burden of internal blow.
See my wrongs they might teach you
Don’t repeat them I beseech you.
My self-worth, like diving eagles fell
No one tell
Choose not love but violence.
And my folks they are dismayed.
At this monster that they made.
But tomorrow is a new morning.
When new hopes they might be forming.
And the beauty of the world is written in our falls”
Our tunnel walls.
And I found peace in silence.
Suggested Citation:
Sochat, Vanessa. "My Old Friend." @vsoch (blog), 10 Nov 2024, https://vsoch.github.io/2024/hello-self-loathing-my-old-friend/ (accessed 28 Nov 24).