Now since 17 days has come to bear,
let me tell you about this ingrown hair.
Upon first introduction, when all was new to me
he was introduced as my new friend JP.
Between him and I it is hard to tell
But on this distinction, I’ve come to dwell.
He emerges from a labyrinth that I cannot see
intermixing and twisty, elaborate like a tree
Unassuming but strange, he pokes out of his hole
Not to be mistaken for freckle or mole.
From the outside glance I would never know
where this JP does boldly go.
Submerging from the surface, behind my ear
wrapping through the cheek, blue and clear.
He then dives down, running out of space
into the depths of that soft necky place.
Where he ends I have yet to feel
His girth and length, I’m going to reel.
He was supposed to leave after 7 days time
but he refused, his home far too sublime.
And after this time had come to pass
JP has a little bit of attitude, of sass.
He drools more on the pillow than I’ve ever done
He can’t talk much in public, so he leaks a ton.
He spits out presents of things I can’t ID
So many gifts, without a charge or fee!
His fashion sense, questionable at best,
a white mumu to complement my black vest.
I have often wished to yank out this fool,
I could sure do without following his rule.
But reminded am I, the reason he is here
Is to give me care, in a time of fear.
And so he continues, a batman in a private lair
the diabolical, the most ultimate, ingrown hair.

Suggested Citation:
Sochat, Vanessa. "The Ultimate." @vsoch (blog), 10 Jul 2015, (accessed 16 Apr 24).