Sometimes when we look for self
Or hope our eyes take in the light
We search for meaning on an empty shelf.
And wake up in the cold, black night.

When our soul is stumbling and lost
We try to survive, day by day,
But we find there is too much cost
To the understanding to make it OK.

We imagine a warmth to hold
And for a peaceful sleep.
But the hospital is cold.
And our dreams are not ours to keep.

The rules of the world are shattered
They no longer apply to you.
All the things you thought had mattered.
Are strangely gone and defined anew.

When we look and do not find.
When we hope and do not see.
What is left is strength of mind.
We still have what might come to be.

Seventeen years
Have come to pass
More than half a lifetime,
Of strength amassed.

But resilience and strength
Does not come from external source
It eminates deeply
As life endures its course

Once, thrice, six times stuck down.
The monsters that I fought
Were not the physical pains
But the monster in my head.
That I had to feign.

Suggested Citation:
Sochat, Vanessa. "Seventeen Years." @vsoch (blog), 02 Mar 2024, (accessed 16 Apr 24).