I have awareness about what I need to be happy. It’s the darkness of the closet that gives me beautiful sleep, and the softness of the few shirts that I’ve worn time and time again. I remember these things because I have sameness in my environment. I should never know that I have a thousand choices of mug to drink from because I need just one. Our propensity to favor the things that we choose means that its my favorite one. I cannot be distracted about an item that is absent from my space if I do not know that it exists at all. The obligation becomes so regular that we completely lose awareness. We lose perspective about what happiness might truly mean, because it’s usually much simpler and abstract than the web of a lifestyle that we aspire to own. We don’t consciously decide that it’s an appropriate time to make a choice from a selection, but rather the selection presents itself and we feel obligated to make a choice. Like an expanding gas, we are pushed toward the purchase of larger, bigger and better things, and we must fill them with more. I do not want more. I want to get away from it, to have fewer things, and more quiet. To dive deeper into niches of comfort and complexity that write these passions felt. This comes from my heart after a trip to two cities. I did not find romance or adventure, excitement or joy. Just “More.”
We pay large amounts of money to ship our things across distance and sky. Why ride in economy when you can first class fly? Why have one dress when you can have two? Why choose between red when you can also have blue? You gave souvenirs and hors d’oeuvre, but my wedding is both quainter and richer than yours. I’ll one up you with the size of my shed, with hand sawn trim and eclectic tread. Why remember where there are forests when we can build parks? Your children will thrive with towering slides and big plastic sharks. Now impress me big park, are you groomed to the max? I do hope you come with environmentally friendly bike racks! It’s okay if you don’t, I don’t mean to make a shtick - as long as there is enough for my selfie stick? Wait, you won’t use the space during the week because you are shuffling to work? Pile into the sardine train, and sit next to that rich, mean jerk. You are happy with the two hour commute, is that how long it takes to drive? It’s only 2/3 of your life that you can wash away after five. Such cheer with your latte of choice, and mobile devices that you own! You may be distracted that you’re mostly alone. Tangled in this forest of dollars by season, there is little light to be found, but only darkness and treason. Don’t feel badly, dear human, there is a tip to be put into every jar. It will make you feel slightly better that someone else cannot afford your car.
Sorry, I think I might have delved into politically incorrect? Perhaps instead my new haircut you might inspect? Another thing (and I don’t mean to boast), but have you tasted this artisinal toast? Actually, don’t eat it, but take pictures of it in just the right light. Add filters and some meaningful #toasty #insight. After the toast don’t walk too fast, you might perspire, as you stroll through this shopping empire! Leave your dollars here, don’t ask where they go. To the creation of greed and sloth, this you choose to not know.
I am disgusted, revolted, grimacing and hazed, running and escaping this prison for days. The hot smell of trash, the earth dead and concrete trying to trick me with a shiny green plastic treat.
The urgency of a purchase, you think such a deal. Your insatiable hunger your gold coffin seal. Surrounded by my own kind, but I feel so alone. I want only, I want nothing, but to simply go home.